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29 captures
14 Mar 2001 - 8 Aug 2002
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Commentary on the text

1:5: "I am here, oh greate Shrimpe." Other manuscripts have "Piss off, I'm trying to sleep."

1:7 For the origional Shrimpe followers, "all who hath worth in my eyes" was normally used to instigate fist fights with other Shimpers.

2:1- In this section Timothy L.ry gives some basic Tenets of Shrimpe. There are parralels between this text and The Big Book of Shrimpe Sayings for the Mentally Weak and Morally Corrupt.

2:4-It might be wise to note here that Timothy L.ry was also called "Timothy the dirty stinking Liar" "Timothy the hated deciever" and "Timothy the Shrimper"

2:9- "Contemplation" implies heavy intoxication or sleeping.

The Landes of Shrimpe- also called "the Amphetamine Town" or "The Boil on the Ass of the Earth" Might have been referring to a town somewhere in West Dakota.

2:10- Shrimpedom might be a reference for some metaphysical plane or state of being concering drunkeness from Absolut 100 proof vodka. Or it might be an actual location around the "Landes of Shrimpe" in 2:9

2:12- Timothy was a known glutton and drunkard.

2:13- Esp. those in the "Landes of Shrimpe"

2:14- Timothy used the imagery of Gnats in his writings very often to denote "Those annoying mother fuckers who keep throwing stuff at us whenever we see them."

"The Light of the Truth" other manuscripts have "the smell of horse dung"

2:15- The Art of Annoyance was a carefully crafted art of bad taste, loud, annoying music and a hate of all things intellectual and fascinating.

3:5- Poserdom was the one required tenet of living a truly shrimpe life.

3:9- "Unwashed" also "Dirty Punks" and "Fucking Rap Metal Wanks"

3:17- A common tradition among Shrimpers.

3:18- This has not been proven. Once again, Timothy L.ry was also called "Timothy the Dirty Stinking Liar"

3:19- "Shrimpe" also "Holy" or "Hep"

3:20- The Greate Shrimpe is always portrayed as sleeping before he speaks. Take Frag. #354 v. 1:2. Perhaps the Greate Shrimpe is perpetually intoxicated as portrayed in Frag. #354 v.2:1.

3:26 This is a reference to the Sacrilege of Steve-O in Fragment #354.

3:30- Timothy was also known as "Timothy the drummer up of Trouble and Shrimpe."

From the Secrete and Incomplete Booke of Shrimpe (fragmente #112)

I. The Greate Shrimpe speaketh to his servant, Timothy L.ry the Pretender

1Being it the time of the Autumn Harvest, the Greate Shrimpe awoketh from his slumber and surveyed the Land. 2 Being disatisfied with the wretched keep of Shrimpedom, he spaketh to his most humble servant, Timothy L.ry, the one known as the Pretender, in a most Terrible Vision. 3 "Come forth o' most miserable wretch!" crieth He. 4 And Timothy L.ry prostrated himself as he replieth, "I am here, oh Greate Shrimpe."

5"I am most displeased with the State of Shrimpedom, and I demandeth that thou fixe it, with my blessing." 6 Crieth out Timothy L.ry, "My Shrimpe, I am but a mere mortal. What could I, the one known as the Pretender, possibly hopeth to accomplish?" 7 "Fool!" spatteth the Greate Shrimpe. "Thou shalt carry forth the Requirements of Shrimpe to all who hath worth in my sight. Spreadeth thou the Sacred Shrimpe, and I shall shower thee with the riches of Knowledge. 8 Hark now, whilst I speaketh the Worde of Shrimpe to thee." 9 So came it to pass that the Teachings of Shrimpe were discovered by the humble servant known as Timothy L.ry.

II. On the Nature of Being, as revealed to Timothy L.ry the Pretender by the Greate Shrimpe.

1 And thus, in accordance with the wish of the most Greate Shrimpe, Timothy L.ry came to deliver to the Worthy the most wondrous Teachings of Shrimpe. 2 And Timothy L.ry spake to the Worthy. 3 "Hark, lest ye be seen with Disfavour by the Most Wondrous Shrimpe."

4"Firstly, the Greate Shrimpe hath instucted me to divulge to thee the Nature of Shrimpedom, in his mercy."

5"Shrimpedom hath the wondrous pleasure of being what hath been called an Anti-Community.6 It is the most Wondrous of Paradoxes; a Contradiction of its own Self. 7 As such, the Wondrous Lande of Shrimpedom is the absolute Manifestation of Hypocrisy. 8 Thou shouldst spend much time contemplating this, the most wondrous Truth."

9 After three days and two nights of deep Contemplation, the Servant of Shrimpe, Timothy L.ry, and those who hath been called Worthy roseth up from their places and went to that state which is called Shrimpedom . 10 Having thus entered Shrimpedom, Timothy L.ry spaketh once more. 11 "The Greate Shrimpe hath declared that the whole of the Lande is most Ludicrous, in his sight. Aye, even so is the Whole of the Universe ludicrous and most Imperfect. 12 Thus, it is demanded of thee to cast off the Demons of Materialism and Matter, and press thyself forth toward the Most Holy Lande of Knowledge."

13 "Many nasally False Prophets shall rise up to dispute the Truth. 13 Yea, they wilst press upon thee much persecution and Slanderous Statements, and they shall speak much Sacrilege against all that is holy, but fear not. 14 They are but mere Gnats unwittingly attracted to the Light of Truth. 15 Being as gnats, they are utterly useless and know nothing but the Art of Annoyance, and shall be swatted into Silence by the Greate Shrimpe, at the Appointed Hour."


III. On the Requirements of Shrimpe, as revealed to Timothy L.ry the Pretender by the Greate Shrimpe

1 And it came to pass that Timothy L.ry called out to the Worthy and spake thus. 2 "Even as the Gnats of Irritation buzzeth about thy Head, thou shalt persevere and performeth thine Most Wondrous Taskes of Shrimpe." 3 "Hark now, as I describeth for thee the most Humble Requirements of Shrimpe. 4 Thou shalt follow these Most Wondrous Tenets, so that ye mayest gain favour in the Eyes of the Greate Shrimpe."

5 "Firstly, thou must perfecteth the nature of being a Poser. Yea, even so, thou must be a Hypocrite and a Deciever. 6 Just as the World decieveth thee, so shalt thou decieveth the World. 7 Thine own True life hath no bearing on thine Life of Shrimpe, for therein lies the Path to Vapid Ideologies and Meaningless Absurdities."

8 "Thou shalt always Decieve the Unworthy by declaring Thineself to be genuine in thine interests as a follower of Shrimpe. 9 Thou shalt Deny to the Unwashed that thou hast decieved them and that thou hast partaken of the Wine of Hypocrisy. 10 Whenst an Unwashed Gnat shall maketh the claim that ye hath drinketh of the Wine of Hypocrisy and hath behavethed as a Poser, ye shall riseth up in protest and duly pointeth out the errors of his ways. 11 Ye shall describeth in Greate detail, and with much vehemenance, the extent to which the Gnat is himself but a meane Poser. 12 Thou shalt accuseth him of partaking of the Wine of Hypocrisy and eating of the Loaf of Ignorance. 13 Thou shalt ridicule his foolishness and laugheth at his wretched status. 14 Being, then, the True Shrimper ye are, thou shalt mock him by blatantly and maliciously performing such an act as will seemeth to be the Highest form of Hypocrisy. 15 Thou shalt be a Poser, in the most obvious of fashions. 16 Thou shalt laugheth whenst the Gnat's tiny brain is overwhelmethed by thy Actions of Shrimpe."

17 After having spaketh thus, Timothy L.ry and those who hath been called Worthy partakethed of the Wondrous Ma-Huang, and drinkethed of the Most Blessed Absolut 100 proof Vodka. 18 Upon the moment of the following Hour, Timothy L.ry and those who art of the Worthy roseth up to seeketh the Most Shrimpe of Sacramentes: the Holy Whip-it. 19 After partaking of the Most Shrimpe of Sacraments, they seatethed themselves down to contemplate Shrimpe. 20 As they sat, the Greate Shrimpe awoketh from his slumber and Appeared before them. And He spaketh thus, 21 "It is True, in my sight, that those who shall be Shrimpers shalt not believeth the teachings of Shrimpe. 22 They shalt find Shrimpe False in their minds. 23 They shalt see Shrimpe for the fraud which it is. 24 They shalt yet rejoice in the Wonders of Shrimpe." 25 Having spaketh so, the Greate Shrimpe departed, and returnethed to his slumber. Much time passethed and all was well within Shrimpedom.

26 At the time of the Winter Solstice, the Greate Shrimpe, having been roused by the Sacrilege of an insignificant Gnat, then took the opportunity to survey yet again the Landes of Shrimpedom. 27 Having foundest a grave travesty, he stormest up to his most Humble Servant, Timothy L.ry, the one known as the Pretender.

28 "Thou hast failed me in thy taske which I hath Given thee!" thundered the Shrimpe. 29 "Oh Greate Shrimpe! I hath carried forth with all which thee hath charged me!" protesteth Timothy L.ry. 30 "Thou most Foolish of Fools! I shouldst not hath entrusted such a Most Important Taske to a mere Drummer! And a miserable wretch of a drummer at that! Ye art a forgetfull and lazy Shrimper. Thou hast forgotten the last Teachings of Shrimpe, which thou must Impart if thou wouldst regain my favour." 31 "I remember now, oh Greate Shrimpe! I wilst go forth and teach the remaining tenets to the Worthy, in thy name." 32 Thus, Timothy L.ry the Pretender went forth into Shrimpedom and gathered up to him those who art Worthy, and he spaketh to them.

33 "The Most Greate Shrimpe hath instructed me to imparteth to ye yet more Teachings of Shrimpe."

34 "The Most important Requirement of Shrimpe, is to Spreade Shrimpe to those that hath been deemed worthy. 35 The Worthy art those peoples who Embraceth Shrimpe and all which it stands for. 36 Yea, So must all of thee go forth and spread Shrimpe."

37 "Hark! Lest ye fall into the Pit of Deception, hear ye now these final Words. 38 The most Shrimpe ways of Ministry are those which Decieveth the Unwashed in the best of ways. 39 Thus, thou art charged by the Greate Shrimpe to taketh advantage of the Popularity of others in order to enhanceth the Cause of Shrimpe. 40 Thou shalt maketh claim that Words that thou hast spoken were spoketh by a Most Famous Person. 41 Thou shalt misrepresenteth the Words of others as Support of Shrimpe. 42 Thou shalt attributeth all which thoust do to Famous People."

43"Such appropriation of Fame wast Startethed by one of the Greate Prophets of Shrimpe, Benjamin Franklin. 44 His fellow Prophets of Shrimpe, George Washington and Thomas Jefferson also encouragethed such action."



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