Commentary on the text
am here, oh greate Shrimpe." Other manuscripts have "Piss
off, I'm trying to sleep."
1:7 For the
origional Shrimpe followers, "all who hath worth in my eyes"
was normally used to instigate fist fights with other Shimpers.
2:1- In this
section Timothy L.ry gives some basic Tenets of Shrimpe. There
are parralels between this text and The Big Book of Shrimpe
Sayings for the Mentally Weak and Morally Corrupt.
be wise to note here that Timothy L.ry was also called "Timothy
the dirty stinking Liar" "Timothy the hated deciever"
and "Timothy the Shrimper"
implies heavy intoxication or sleeping.
of Shrimpe- also called "the Amphetamine Town" or "The
Boil on the Ass of the Earth" Might have been referring
to a town somewhere in West Dakota.
might be a reference for some metaphysical plane or state of
being concering drunkeness from Absolut 100 proof vodka. Or it
might be an actual location around the "Landes of Shrimpe"
was a known glutton and drunkard.
those in the "Landes of Shrimpe"
used the imagery of Gnats in his writings very often to denote
"Those annoying mother fuckers who keep throwing stuff at
us whenever we see them."
of the Truth" other manuscripts have "the smell of
2:15- The Art
of Annoyance was a carefully crafted art of bad taste, loud,
annoying music and a hate of all things intellectual and fascinating.
was the one required tenet of living a truly shrimpe life.
also "Dirty Punks" and "Fucking Rap Metal Wanks"
3:17- A common
tradition among Shrimpers.
has not been proven. Once again, Timothy L.ry was also called
"Timothy the Dirty Stinking Liar"
also "Holy" or "Hep"
3:20- The Greate
Shrimpe is always portrayed as sleeping before he speaks. Take
Frag. #354 v. 1:2. Perhaps the Greate Shrimpe is perpetually
intoxicated as portrayed in Frag. #354 v.2:1.
3:26 This is
a reference to the Sacrilege of Steve-O in Fragment #354.
was also known as "Timothy the drummer up of Trouble and
From the Secrete
and Incomplete Booke of Shrimpe (fragmente #112)
The Greate Shrimpe speaketh to his servant, Timothy L.ry the
1Being it the time of
the Autumn Harvest, the Greate Shrimpe awoketh from his slumber
and surveyed the Land. 2
Being disatisfied with the wretched keep of Shrimpedom, he spaketh
to his most humble servant, Timothy L.ry, the one known as the
Pretender, in a most Terrible Vision. 3 "Come forth o' most miserable wretch!"
crieth He. 4 And Timothy L.ry prostrated
himself as he replieth, "I am here, oh Greate Shrimpe."
5"I am most displeased
with the State of Shrimpedom, and I demandeth that thou fixe
it, with my blessing." 6 Crieth out Timothy
L.ry, "My Shrimpe, I am but a mere mortal. What could I,
the one known as the Pretender, possibly hopeth to accomplish?"
spatteth the Greate Shrimpe. "Thou shalt carry forth
the Requirements of Shrimpe to all who hath worth in my sight.
Spreadeth thou the Sacred Shrimpe, and I shall shower thee with
the riches of Knowledge. 8 Hark
now, whilst I speaketh the Worde of Shrimpe to thee." 9 So came it to pass that the Teachings
of Shrimpe were discovered by the humble servant known as Timothy
II. On the
Nature of Being, as revealed to Timothy L.ry the Pretender by
the Greate Shrimpe.
1 And thus, in accordance
with the wish of the most Greate Shrimpe, Timothy L.ry came to
deliver to the Worthy the most wondrous Teachings of Shrimpe.
2 And Timothy L.ry spake
to the Worthy. 3 "Hark, lest ye
be seen with Disfavour by the Most Wondrous Shrimpe."
Greate Shrimpe hath instucted me to divulge to thee the Nature
of Shrimpedom, in his mercy."
the wondrous pleasure of being what hath been called an Anti-Community.6 It is the most Wondrous of Paradoxes;
a Contradiction of its own Self. 7 As such, the Wondrous Lande of Shrimpedom is
the absolute Manifestation of Hypocrisy. 8 Thou shouldst spend much time contemplating
this, the most wondrous Truth."
9 After three days and
two nights of deep Contemplation, the Servant of Shrimpe, Timothy
L.ry, and those who hath been called Worthy roseth up from their
places and went to that state which is called Shrimpedom . 10 Having thus entered Shrimpedom, Timothy
L.ry spaketh once more. 11
"The Greate Shrimpe hath declared that the whole of the
Lande is most Ludicrous, in his sight. Aye, even so is the Whole
of the Universe ludicrous and most Imperfect. 12 Thus, it is demanded of thee to cast off the
Demons of Materialism and Matter, and press thyself forth toward
the Most Holy Lande of Knowledge."
13 "Many nasally
False Prophets shall rise up to dispute the Truth. 13 Yea, they wilst press upon thee much
persecution and Slanderous Statements, and they shall speak much
Sacrilege against all that is holy, but fear not. 14 They are but mere Gnats unwittingly
attracted to the Light of Truth. 15 Being as gnats, they are utterly useless and
know nothing but the Art of Annoyance, and shall be swatted into
Silence by the Greate Shrimpe, at the Appointed Hour."
III. On the
Requirements of Shrimpe, as revealed to Timothy L.ry the Pretender
by the Greate Shrimpe
1 And it came to pass
that Timothy L.ry called out to the Worthy and spake thus. 2 "Even as the Gnats of Irritation
buzzeth about thy Head, thou shalt persevere and performeth thine
Most Wondrous Taskes of Shrimpe." 3 "Hark now, as I describeth for thee the
most Humble Requirements of Shrimpe. 4 Thou shalt follow these Most Wondrous Tenets,
so that ye mayest gain favour in the Eyes of the Greate Shrimpe."
5 "Firstly, thou
must perfecteth the nature of being a Poser. Yea, even so, thou
must be a Hypocrite and a Deciever. 6 Just as the World decieveth thee, so shalt thou
decieveth the World. 7 Thine own True life
hath no bearing on thine Life of Shrimpe, for therein lies the
Path to Vapid Ideologies and Meaningless Absurdities."
8 "Thou shalt always
Decieve the Unworthy by declaring Thineself to be genuine in
thine interests as a follower of Shrimpe. 9 Thou shalt Deny to the Unwashed that thou hast
decieved them and that thou hast partaken of the Wine of Hypocrisy.
10 Whenst an Unwashed
Gnat shall maketh the claim that ye hath drinketh of the Wine
of Hypocrisy and hath behavethed as a Poser, ye shall riseth
up in protest and duly pointeth out the errors of his ways. 11 Ye shall describeth in Greate detail,
and with much vehemenance, the extent to which the Gnat is himself
but a meane Poser. 12 Thou shalt accuseth
him of partaking of the Wine of Hypocrisy and eating of the Loaf
of Ignorance. 13 Thou shalt ridicule
his foolishness and laugheth at his wretched status. 14 Being, then, the True Shrimper ye
are, thou shalt mock him by blatantly and maliciously performing
such an act as will seemeth to be the Highest form of Hypocrisy.
15 Thou shalt be a Poser,
in the most obvious of fashions. 16 Thou shalt laugheth whenst the Gnat's tiny brain
is overwhelmethed by thy Actions of Shrimpe."
17 After having spaketh
thus, Timothy L.ry and those who hath been called Worthy partakethed
of the Wondrous Ma-Huang, and drinkethed of the Most Blessed
Absolut 100 proof Vodka. 18
Upon the moment of the following Hour, Timothy L.ry and those
who art of the Worthy roseth up to seeketh the Most Shrimpe of
Sacramentes: the Holy Whip-it. 19
After partaking of the Most Shrimpe of Sacraments, they seatethed
themselves down to contemplate Shrimpe. 20 As they sat, the Greate Shrimpe awoketh from
his slumber and Appeared before them. And He spaketh thus, 21 "It is True, in my sight,
that those who shall be Shrimpers shalt not believeth the teachings
of Shrimpe. 22 They shalt find
Shrimpe False in their minds. 23 They shalt see Shrimpe for the fraud which
it is. 24 They shalt yet
rejoice in the Wonders of Shrimpe." 25 Having spaketh so, the Greate Shrimpe departed,
and returnethed to his slumber. Much time passethed and all was
well within Shrimpedom.
26 At the time of the
Winter Solstice, the Greate Shrimpe, having been roused by the
Sacrilege of an insignificant Gnat, then took the opportunity
to survey yet again the Landes of Shrimpedom. 27 Having foundest a grave travesty, he stormest
up to his most Humble Servant, Timothy L.ry, the one known as
28 "Thou hast
failed me in thy taske which I hath Given thee!" thundered
the Shrimpe. 29 "Oh Greate Shrimpe!
I hath carried forth with all which thee hath charged me!"
protesteth Timothy L.ry. 30
"Thou most Foolish of Fools! I shouldst not hath entrusted
such a Most Important Taske to a mere Drummer! And a miserable
wretch of a drummer at that! Ye art a forgetfull and lazy Shrimper.
Thou hast forgotten the last Teachings of Shrimpe, which thou
must Impart if thou wouldst regain my favour." 31 "I remember now, oh Greate Shrimpe!
I wilst go forth and teach the remaining tenets to the Worthy,
in thy name." 32 Thus, Timothy L.ry
the Pretender went forth into Shrimpedom and gathered up to him
those who art Worthy, and he spaketh to them.
33 "The Most Greate
Shrimpe hath instructed me to imparteth to ye yet more Teachings
34 "The Most important
Requirement of Shrimpe, is to Spreade Shrimpe to those that hath
been deemed worthy. 35 The Worthy art those
peoples who Embraceth Shrimpe and all which it stands for. 36 Yea, So must all of thee go forth
and spread Shrimpe."
37 "Hark! Lest ye
fall into the Pit of Deception, hear ye now these final Words.
38 The most Shrimpe ways
of Ministry are those which Decieveth the Unwashed in the best
of ways. 39 Thus, thou art charged
by the Greate Shrimpe to taketh advantage of the Popularity of
others in order to enhanceth the Cause of Shrimpe. 40 Thou shalt maketh claim that Words
that thou hast spoken were spoketh by a Most Famous Person. 41 Thou shalt misrepresenteth the Words
of others as Support of Shrimpe. 42 Thou shalt attributeth all which thoust do to
of Fame wast Startethed by one of the Greate Prophets of Shrimpe,
Benjamin Franklin. 44 His fellow Prophets
of Shrimpe, George Washington and Thomas Jefferson also encouragethed