Paul the Apostle Plays Dead

 
Supervenerunt autem quidam ab Antiochia et Iconio Jud├Ži :
et persuasis turbis, lapidantesque Paulum, traxerunt extra civitatem,
existimantes eum mortuum esse.
 
Circumdantibus autem eum discipulis,
surgens intravit civitatem,
et postera die profectus est cum Barnaba in Derben.
Acts 14:19-20, Clementine Vulgate
 
"I've seen angrier mobs"
Saul says and smirks
Barnabas starts to sweat
 
Go meet your congregation, Paul
Go preach to the choir
who are gathering stones
to return you to the God who sent you
 
Paul approaches them like they're all old friends
 
When the first stone misses his ear
he pretends like he didn't expect it
He knows he can't fake being dead right away
he has to take a few bricks to the head first
 
You can play a pratfall for laughs or cries
they're faithful folk
they won't know the difference
 
                                he falls
 
& after a few dramatic spasms
God's interloper lies still
 
so they drag him to the town dump
and get on with their day
 
...
 
later, with just a few apostles around
this crummy little Jesus
            and his crooked legs
                                rises again
to the amusement of the whole crew
 
They discuss leaving for Derbe right then
But they already paid for the motel
So they head back to town
tiny Paul strutting in front
 
the folk who catch a glimpse of them
are too embarrassed to say anything
resurrection or scam: 
their anger is spent
 
besides, you don't want to mess with a guy
who takes a rock to the face
turns his cheek
then dares you to throw another